In a stunning twist that has political analysts blinking at their screens like Windows 95 computers, former President Donald J. Trump has seen a meteoric rise in approval ratings among the American Left — a demographic that, until recently, would rather have eaten glass than attend a MAGA rally.
The cause? Senility. Glorious, unfiltered, stream-of-consciousness senility.
“It’s post-ironic,” said Portland-based political influencer Kale Evergreen, sipping a $14 hemp latte. “Trump isn’t just a former president anymore. He’s performance art. He’s like if Andy Warhol and a confused Golden Retriever had a baby.”
Trump’s latest campaign appearances have been less about policy and more about spontaneous tangents on windmills, time travel, and his recurring feud with the Moon (“It’s very far, folks, too far. Not very loyal.”). What began as incoherent rambling has somehow resonated with disillusioned progressives.
“I used to think he was dangerous,” said Brooklyn poet Juniper Sigh, adjusting her ironic ‘Make America Great Again’ hat. “But now… I don’t know. There’s something kind of punk rock about a guy who forgets what he’s talking about mid-sentence and just keeps going. He’s smashing the binary between lucidity and dementia.”
At a recent rally, Trump declared: “We’re going to build a beautiful submarine — a space submarine, folks — that runs on… on… jellybeans. And I’m the only one who can do it, believe me.”
The crowd, which included both QAnon believers and Gen Z Marxists, erupted into cheers.
Even leftist think tank The People’s Intersectional Coalition for Thoughtful Dismantling of Thought issued a statement saying:
“Trump’s cognitive decline is a bold critique of the neoliberal meritocracy. By forgetting reality, he transcends it.”
Some Democrats are panicking. “We’re being outflanked on absurdity,” said Rep. Debbie Normalperson. “We used to have a monopoly on avant-garde candidates. Now he’s the absurdist candidate. What do we even stand for anymore?”
Meanwhile, Biden, whose approval rating among leftists has dropped to the level of a wet sponge, has attempted to mimic Trump’s appeal by ad-libbing more during speeches. At a recent event, Biden shouted “Let’s ban soup!” before wandering off stage and attempting to enter a broom closet.
Still, Trump remains king of the chaos vote.
Experts warn that if Trump continues to spiral into a dimension of pure babble, he may become “too post-satire to parody,” achieving what philosophers call Quantum Grandpa State — simultaneously electable, unelectable, terrifying, and endearing.
As one college student put it, “I don’t know what’s happening anymore. But honestly? Same.”
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